Splintered Life

Its definitely not tenable,
it cannot be sustained,
a life split right down the middle
is being in torturous pain.

When one part is pulling this way
the other in another
my mind just splinters into bits
and leaves my soul in tatters.

I hanker for things beyond
the horizon that I can see
what I can't touch or hold
like a ghost haunts me.

One part is so dearly bought
with blood and sweat and tears
that it can't just be thrown away
I have worked on it for years.

But the other just tears me up
for its promise of the grail
its the prize i could die to have
my biggest fear is what if I fail?

Its open promise calls me on
to tread this lonely road
which leads to a scary cliff
and more pain than before

Its promise turns all to dust
like a soup drained of salt
I'm surprised that I don't stop this
after all its really my call.

My mind urges me on and on
yet points out cloudy skies,
i fret and fume and rage and rant
a prisoner of my own device

What I have seems to claim
its right to the center stage
because its ultimate here and now
is grounded on choices made.

You can't go back and change a bit
of what has gone before
reality climbs in the window if
you push it out of the door.

But the future is a wildflower
that may burst into color soon
and i might find me the power
to start my trek up to the moon.

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