Wednesday, April 30, 2008

My Pet Demon

My pet demon is a wispy thing
that kills me from inside
I grit my teeth and fight it out
but from her talons I can't hide.
Her face is like an angel and
she makes your life all good
she mocks me by being everything
That I know I never could
You revel in her earthly charms
but still you hold me back
to fill the voids with godly things
that i know your life does lack
You say you keep her far away
and I'm way beyond her reach
yet she bleeds me in her torture cell
and you won't help me find the keys.
Can't you see her presence hurts
and tears me into shreds
her shadow blocks out my light
and fills my heart with dread.
You say i'm just paranoid
that I see a road full of traps
I nurse my bruised pride
as you tempt me on with scraps
I don't want to live my life
with that cageless demon around
for I bleed, and I cry
but still I let myself down.
Why is it that you want it all
without paying the price
why should I just bend and break
while you live your kingsized life?

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Bee Hive

What is my life's purpose?
What is my ultimate goal?
Where do I want to get
to hold peace in my soul?
Where is the endless happiness
that I so desperately seek?
Why the floods of fickle flow
none that I can keep?
Why do i feel that everything
I've done so far is wrong?
Every choice I ever made
is leading me away from...
the very elusive someplace else
where the grass is much greener?
Could I have been there before?
Can I get there any sooner?
Why am I so afraid of losing
every silly human game?
Why do i hanker after things so much
money, friends, fame?
Why do I get stuck on hurts
that people inflict on me?
Why does anger like a river wild
erode my bedrock deep?
Why do I keep count of loss
or the triumphs still left to see?
Why do I have to measure myself
against everyone else but me?
Why do i fear losing what I love
and everything that I call mine
for when death eventually comes to call
It will all get left behind?
Why do i love, why do i hate
Why do i bend, why do i break
Why do i suffer, why do i greive
Why does it matter what I beleive?
Why can't I just be still
and listen to my inner voice?
Why do I do all the talking
instead of making the obvious choice
and turn off all the switches that
keep my head buzzing alive,
bristling with a thousand stings
like bees swarming a hive?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Vanishing Point

Runaway autumn leaves
Sweep the empty yard
Tumbling helter skelter
Like a pack of falling cards.
Darkness looms foreboding
from the hazy distance
Lacing up your boots you sigh
and pause for an instance.
I shudder against myself
as the chilly wind blows,
my sad heart freezes over
as your trepidation grows.
I hold the door open
but you won't follow me outside.
Your face belies some longing
but your reluctance you can't hide.

You ask why you have to earn
What is well within your grasp
You say I am yours to keep
And I sadly laugh.
In your happy fool's paradise
All is as you will it to be.
a guarded fence, a locked soul
define your need for security.
even if i drowned you in my tears
you wouldn't let me in,
your innocent eyes would try me
and chide me for trespassing.
So I take to the empty road
Stones tied to my shaky feet.
Your mouth vehemently protests
and asks me not to leave.
But you don't scrape the rust off
my downbeat eroded faith.
Waiting to argue for my reasons,
will only get me delayed.

As evening descends on both of us
it mourns the dying sun,
I know my lonely journey
has only just begun.
The swinging doors close upon you
and brings out the great disjoint
I know your gaze won't follow me
beyond the vanishing point.

An ordinary day

An ordinary day...
a plane crashes
on a market street
in a distant land
close to a great lake
and a rift valley.
The world stinks
of negligence
and depravation.
I think of people
starving for attention
and food to feed
their hungry mouths
and those who's
skies rain bullets.
The heavens have
closed their ears to
the demands of
too many children
and too many cars,
I am angry says
the planet as it gasps
for breath.
I am drifting afar.
The center of my mind
is out of control.
My life out of balance
wary of the rules
made by someone
else's uncle,
punctuated with
stray thoughts
of braindrain
family, lost love
acid rain,
heavy metal...
and what-have-you
I find myself lost.
I might write
a story about
the places
that I have been to
sitting in a chair
eyes fixed on a
silver screen,
and let my voice be heard.
Please leave me alone,
I say.
I don't want to buy anything!
I am tired
of fundamentalists
and TNC's
and GMOs.
I want to scream.
A monk in a
maroon robe
just told me
he hates no one.